Looking for a little Maui vacation humor? Here are 11 very serious reasons you should never, ever think about a trip to the island. Read them with a wink, preferably while deciding which beach belongs on your itinerary.
Guest article by Danielle Miller.
Why would you want to go to an island in the Pacific when you can stay on your couch doing the same old, same old? Old reruns on TV are pretty riveting. And who can resist watching Friends again, right from the very first season?
Plus, a Hawaiian vacation might get you outside. Why would anyone want that? If you’re not convinced your next vacation should involve cleaning out the garage, here are some other excellent reasons to stay home.
1. You could get a flip-flop tan
How inconvenient! That Y-shaped strip on the top of your foot suggests you’ve been off having fun in the sun. People might not take you seriously. Of course, sun protection still belongs in your beach bag. A sunburn isn’t the souvenir we’re recommending.
2. You may rethink your daily routine
Aren’t you happy complaining about your boring job and annoying boss? Why risk being inspired to change your life? Better to stick with the stressful commute and traffic jams. There’s only another decade or two before retirement anyway.
A quiet morning might even give you time to think. We can’t have that.
3. Every future vacation could involve a beach
Once you visit the islands, you might want to travel to places with beaches and sun and surf. Why pack swim trunks when you could force a raincoat, umbrella and thermal underwear into your carry-on?
Spending future holidays near sparkling blue water and sand sounds really grim. Give me smog, clouds and crowds any day. Just remember that Maui has rain and changing weather too. Even paradise doesn’t sign a sunshine guarantee.
4. You might make new friends
Who has time for new friends? Especially ones with similar interests. What a drag it is to send birthday messages to more people. Imagine having friends who like to visit the same places you do.
Besides, swapping stories over lunch could cut into your carefully planned time staring at your phone.
5. You might develop a new interest
Isn’t your day already full enough with cooking and cleaning? Don’t you have gutters to clean or landscaping to do? You might get inspired to try something outside your usual routine.
A farm visit, an art class or a new hobby could follow you home. Then what would happen to that perfectly respectable weekend to-do list?
6. You might actually enjoy moving around
A vacation in Maui could mean snorkeling, swimming, hiking, biking or surfing. Yes, a surf lesson on Maui could be a whole new way to spend a morning.
Choose an activity that suits your ability, and let a qualified instructor help with a first lesson. Ocean conditions make the decision, even when the vacation calendar says it’s surf day. A peaceful shore walk counts as a lovely outing too.
7. Grocery-store produce may never seem the same
Once you’ve tasted a ripe, locally grown papaya, you may never look at that fruit the same way again. You might start comparing every banana and avocado with the ones you tried on Maui.
Suddenly, a fruit salad won’t seem complete without dragon fruit or lychees. Availability changes with the season, so ask the farm stand what’s ripe. There goes your old habit of buying the same three things every week.
8. Your playful side could escape
You might remember how much you enjoy building sandcastles or watching the ocean. There could be sand in places you’d long forgotten about. You might even put your phone down long enough to notice the sunset.
Playing doesn’t mean chasing big waves or entering rough water. Sometimes the best afternoon involves sitting safely on shore and doing absolutely nothing. Shocking, we know.
9. You might want to learn more about Hawaiʻi
A visit could spark an interest in Hawaiian music, language or history. Then you might listen to local storytellers or choose a class led by a knowledgeable cultural practitioner.
Learning to be a thoughtful guest takes more than collecting a souvenir. You could come home with questions, books to read and a deeper appreciation of the place you visited. How terribly inconvenient for a supposedly simple vacation.
10. All that quiet time could be distracting
Booking a massage means setting aside time for yourself. Sounds pretty boring, right? And an unhurried evening might involve listening to the breeze instead of another notification.
You don’t have to fill every hour. An open afternoon on the calendar might be the most alarming part of this whole Maui vacation humor exercise.
11. You may never want to go home
What if you fall in love with Maui? You could get stuck daydreaming about it at your desk. A sunset walk with someone you love might suddenly seem more appealing than your usual routine.
Why would you want a break, especially a vacation involving wellness, culture and adventures? You can see how this could interfere with your dedication to the daily grind.
Surf lessons, a massage, snorkeling on Maui or a yoga class could be a bit much. Stay home and catch up on your to-do list. Those palm trees aren’t beckoning you. That’s your boss calling. Are you going to answer?
About SwellWomen
SwellWomen encourages guests to re-energize, reconnect and relax through surf, yoga, wellness and adventure retreats. Its offerings include several destinations, along with custom and private options.
Check destinations, dates and inclusions directly at SwellWomen.com before making plans. You can also find SwellWomen on Facebook.
Some of Our Readers’ Thoughts
Maui stole my heart in 2003, my first visit, not my last.
Charles Adams, 2014-06-16 (excerpt)
Maui is a place, but it is also a feeling, Something you can carry with you and keep in your heart. It ruined me. My life will never be the same again… unless I go back. 😀
Natasha, 2014-06-16
Also, be prepared to give back to the community, not tell them how you did it on the mainland, but to give your time to local causes if you want to live here. It makes a huge difference in everybody’s quality of life, including the giver’s.
mauiharper, 2014-06-17 (excerpt)
We’re a small group of full-time Maui residents that LOVE exploring and writing about what we think is the best place on Earth: The Island of Maui, Hawaii! Expect many more articles, reviews, photos and videos of Maui and all of the Hawaiian Islands. ALOHA!
0 Comments